After.
After the fall. After the apology. After the breakthrough. After the breakdown. Good times, and bad times, God has been there. As He always is. And I’m realizing that my acknowledgment–and my prayers–have mostly come after.
After the good. After the gift. After the grace.
But God was just as present in the silence as in the celebration. Just as near in the heartbreak as in the healing.
I’m learning to look for Him before the answer. To invite Him into the process, not just praise Him after the result. To trust Him not because of the outcome–but because of who He is.
That’s not easy for me.
For decades, I’ve experienced the goodness of God too late. And now, looking back, I feel robbed. Robbed of the fullness He wanted to show me in every moment.
But I believe this: God is not just the God of the after. He’s the God of the before, the during, and the even if not. And He’s worthy of worship at every stage of my story.
So now I’m learning. Learning to get to my awe before I have anything to tie it to.
Before.
